Don’t piss off the Elephant!

We’ve all heard Plato’s illustration of how our brains work described as a rational Charioteer who has to control two horses who want to go in very different directions and Freud’s description of the “Id and Ego”.  But I recently read a description of our decision making process that resonated even better than these last two examples….maybe because it wasn’t WAY OVER MY HEAD!  And that is “Don’t piss off the elephant” actually I made the title up but the concept comes from, Jonathan Haidt, a psychologist at the University of Virginia who wrote the book The Happiness Hypothesis.

In the book Haidt describes our emotional side as “the Elephant” and our rational side as “the Rider”.  The “Rider” seems, to us, to be the leader but if anything sets off the Elephant you’ll know who the leader is real quick because the Elephant is far more powerful.

The rider is responsible for planning and goal setting, and thinking up strategies, but the elephant is the one who really takes action and does all the leg work.  Therefore in order to get anything accomplished you really have to have both the elephant and the rider on the same page.  You have to coax the elephant to do your bidding.  And the elephant is volatile he’s wild for Pete’s sake!  He can change his mind at the sight of a mouse and head in a completely different direction from where you, the rider, had so painstakingly planned on going.

The “Elephant” is responsible for those times that you cave in.  In fact he thinks of short term satisfaction, and instant gratification, only.  So even though you might have a healthy dinner all set and ready to go, the elephant might see a pizza commercial and decide to throw all the planning out the window.

The reason he does this is because the Elephant is easily overwhelmed and this is the part I really want you to become aware of.  When the Elephant gets “stressed out” and by “stressed out” I mean something as simple as having to do too many math problems, in a row, (little stuff can do it… just as much as BIGGIES) the elephant will give in to temptation, forego any new territory and head in the direction of what he knows. What he deems safe and secure, which is, familiarity. 

If it comes down to a battle of strength between the elephant and the rider, the rider might be able to pull out a win for a very short period of time (which is what happens when you use will power to change) but the long term battle will always go to the elephant because will power has a very limited life span and the rider will ultimately give up.

In fact researchers have discovered that Self Control is an exhaustible resource.  This is a huge discovery because it shows us that we shouldn’t punish ourselves for not being able to continue to make the “right” choice all day long, day in and day out.  We have to understand that our supply has been exhausted.  We have used up all of our self control dollars and the bank account is empty for the day.  We have overtaxed our brain.

So how do you fill the bank account back up before the diet is lost for good?  You have to re-motivate the Elephant you can do that just by acknowledging that you are tired, that you have had a long day and you have “pissed the elephant off”.  If you do this you will be well on your way to remedying the situation because part of it is just “naming the game”.  “Oh that’s why I feel like I’m going to rip someone’s head off if I don’t get an Oreo…Okay I can relax now take a deep breath and choose a healthier way to calm down.  Maybe a nice walk around the block and a second away from the kids will help me clear my mind”.  Turn on your favorite song and dance around for a second.  Look at a picture of the body you want… or the body you don’t want.  Simple triggers can snap the Elephant out of it and re-motivate him.  Then you can make a better choice that will please the elephant and the rider. Honor your emotional side and convince yourself that it will feel good to be healthy, that you will be proud of yourself tomorrow if you make this choice today and lure him back into the game.

The key to success is to please both the Rider and the Elephant, at the same time, so that they can work together towards the same common goal because when they work together they are a POWERFUL team.

You please the Rider by giving him accurate information with which to make an easy to follow plan.

Then you cater to the Elephant by satisfying your emotional needs. 

Acknowledge that you are not an “out of control mess” that you have simply overtaxed the Elephant and it’s time to take a break….Now step away from the Oreos…